


Propaganda

by ana



Category: Vorkosigan Saga - Lois McMaster Bujold
Genre: crackfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-30
Updated: 2013-09-30
Packaged: 2017-12-28 01:48:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,757
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/986210
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ana/pseuds/ana
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><a href="http://archiveofourown.org/users/avanti_90/pseuds/avanti_90">avanti_90 </a>  prompt:  The Vorkosigan characters discover the fanfiction archives. <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/collections/Bujold_Ficathon_2013/prompts/76999">Bujold_Ficathon_2013</a></p><p> </p><p>My Tongue is firmly embedded in my cheek...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Propaganda

**Author's Note:**

  * In response to a prompt by [avanti_90](https://archiveofourown.org/users/avanti_90/pseuds/avanti_90) in the [Bujold_Ficathon_2013](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/Bujold_Ficathon_2013) collection. 



‘Propaganda,’ Miles said, re-reading the text on the comconsole.

‘That’s your assessment?’ Gregor asked, bringing his chair forward to look again at his discovery.

‘Yep, probably written by the Cetagandans.  As an alternative history this one is quite interesting. Someone’s really gone to town on it, interesting strategies, incredible detail and ah-‘ noting that Gregor wasn’t sharing this fascination he changed tack, and with a malicious grin asked, ‘Has Ivan seen it?’

Gregor shook his head.  ‘I’ve just seen it myself, that’s why I asked you both in here.  Besides, anything to do with the imperial camp stool makes Ivan twitch like you do; I’m not sure I should show him.’

Miles looked appalled.  ‘I do not twitch like Ivan! I don’t do anything like Ivan! We’re completely dissimilar! The most dissimilarly dissimilar people in the galaxy!’

Gregor stared at him for a long moment before he spoke. ‘So you don’t think there’s anything to be concerned about?  Even those,’ he cleared his throat, ‘ _other_ ones?’

Miles shook his head, keeping as straight a face as he possibly could; it had been hard to when reading those comic stories about Gregor visiting Beta Colony for the first time. 

‘I would ignore it, sire.  _You_ know it’s not the truth.’

The door opened and one of the Armsman admitted Ivan, who stopped dead when he saw Miles and Gregor staring at him.

‘What?’ he asked.

Miles dropped his voice and moved closer to Gregor, ‘ _Please_ let me show him the one where he’s emperor _…_ ’

‘You’re a sadistic man, Miles.  Alright, go ahead.’

‘Ivan,’ Miles said, his voice heavy and serious. ‘Read this, we need to know if you know anything about it.’

Gregor’s turned his back on them both; his hands clasped behind his back in full pensive, regal pose.

Ivan walked over and after glancing at both of them, took the seat Miles had vacated.  Miles moved to the side to get a better view of Ivan’s face and watched as Ivan read…and turned various shades of pale.

‘Holy hell!!’ Ivan’s eyes were comically wide. ‘No! I know _nothing_ about this and I had nothing to do with it!  How could you think I – no! ’

‘Are you sure?’ Miles asked, enjoying this so much he wished he taken a vid, although there probably was a vid somewhere – this was ImpRes after all.

‘You know I didn’t!’ Ivan turned to face him.   ‘I can’t even write a letter! Like I would write that stuff, and I can’t believe you’re showing it me!’ And then his eyes darted from Gregor to Miles.  ‘You don’t _like_ that kind of thing do you?  Donna- eh -I know someone - I mean some people I’ve heard - like this kind of thing, watching while you read or watch ah – um-’

‘Which one are you reading?’ Gregor asked turning around.

‘There’s _more_?’ Ivan stood and his eyes went even wider. ‘Look, if you two want to read about yourselves doing this ah stuff to each other, go ahead.  It’s not for me, alright?  I think I should go.’

‘What are you talking about,’ Miles said, moving back to the comconsole, ‘it’s about you as Emperor, what – hey,no! _That_ wasn’t there before I – good God.’ Now he could see what Ivan meant, he tried to get rid of it, but it insisting on staying there, insisted on describing in explicit detail Gregor doing things to him with his -

‘It’s changed again,’ Miles said in relief, just as Gregor peered over his shoulder and Miles felt himself blush to the roots of his hair.

‘Wait a moment,’ Ivan said, ‘did you say emperor?’

‘Never mind that,’ Miles said. ‘This is a different one!  It’s about you Gregor, you’re married to someone and –‘

‘Stop right there!’

They spun around to face three masked women in strange galactic clothing, holding weapons aimed at them.

*

‘How did you get in here?’ The intense looking man asked, as the other men stood in front of him - even the short one.  All of them holding weapons.

‘Your weapons won’t work and there’s no point in signalling for help,’ Beta said, ‘we’ve placed you in a time bubble.’ She pointed overhead at the sphere encircling them all. ‘You’re not in any danger but please step away from the comconsole and _stop_ reading it.  You shouldn’t be reading it. It was a mistake.’

‘Yeah,’ said Alpha, her voice pitching, she bounced on her heels waving her weapon about, ‘stop reading or it’ll affect the Prime Directive! And we’ll have to cross the streams and the marshmallow men will get us all!!’

‘Excuse me,’ Beta said to them. ‘Delta, keep your weapon on them.  I’ll deal with the newbie.’ And she turned and slapped Alpha across the face. ‘Get a hold of yourself!  We’re here to plug a leak!’

‘Ow!!’  Alpha rubbed her cheek and said sheepishly. ‘Sorry, panicked.’

The three men weren’t panicked at all, they were incredibly calm even when their weapons didn’t work or their signals for help.  The super short one stepped forward.

‘Let me introduce myself, I’m -’

Beta fired at all three at them and they slumped to the floor. 

‘Oh! That was mean,’ Alpha said. 

Beta ignored her and pointed to the comconsole.  ‘Delta, do your stuff.  I’ll deal with them.’

‘What shall I do?’ Alpha asked eyes glued on the prone men.

‘Nothing, since this is your first mission you’re only here to observe.’ And noting the way Alpha’s eyes had fixed on the short one, added, ‘And no touching.’

‘I wasn’t going to!  But…that’s _Miles Vorkosigan_!’ she said in a reverent whisper.

Beta sighed. ‘I don’t care if it’s Malcolm Reynolds, I’m here to work.'

'Who's Malcolm Reynolds?'

Beta gasped. 'Who's – how – don’t you know Firefly? Serenity?' Noting Alpha’s continued blank look she took a breath. 'Never mind.  Let me get to work.'  

She stepped forward, crouched down and pressed the device against the head of the short one and waited till it went from red to blue and then she did the same with the other two brunets.  It took longer to work on the handsome one’s head, which was never a good sign but eventually it went to blue.

‘What’s that thing do?’ Alpha asked, peering over.

‘It’ll zap their memories of seeing The Fic,” Beta said, “and help zap them back to just before they saw it.’

‘Wow. What’s it called?’

‘It’s got a stupid long name so I call it the...um…Zappy Thing.’

Alpha snorted with laughter.   ‘Zappy Thing??  What kind of silly name is that?’

‘Hey! If you can get away with calling something Unobtanium, I can call it whatever the hell I like!’

‘Okay! Okay! Don’t get narky.’

‘All done,’ said Delta, stepping over the bodies, ‘The Fic won’t be able to get through again, but we may have a problem. It wasn’t just AU – they read about a major FEC.’

Beta groaned. ‘Damn. Are you sure?  Well there’s nothing we can do about it.  You’ve plugged the leaks and I’ve zapped them.   Fill in a report at Fic HQ as soon as you get back.  I’ll be submitting an unedited recording of the mission so we’ll see how much we all remember – another one for the research dept.  I don’t need to remind you not to share this with anyone inside HQ that isn’t cleared?”

'Of course!'

'Good.  Help me move them.’

‘Can I help?’ Alpha said eagerly.

‘No!’ Beta said. ‘You stay where you are.’

Alpha gave her a sulky look. ‘Fine but what’s a FEC?’

‘Fic Event - Canon,’ Delta said, carrying the short one to the chair, ‘there’s a theory that if they see The Fic depicting a future canon event, no matter what we try to do, it could alter The Canon.’

Alpha gasped. ‘No! What did he read?’

‘About Maria,’ Delta said.

Beta shrugged. ‘I don’t know who that is.’

‘What?’ Alpha cried throwing her arms up. “How could you _not_ know?!’

‘The reason I’m here is because I do _not_ know,’ Beta said exasperated.  ‘Didn’t you listen to any of this at your induction?’

‘Beta is from Firefly Fic,’ Delta explained, ‘and if she knew the Goddess’s Works she couldn’t come.’

Beta nodded. ‘That’s right. _I’m_ here to make sure the leaks are plugged and that you two behave yourselves.’

Even through the mask Beta could tell Delta was offended. ‘I’m always professional!  I’ve never once lost my head on a mission.’

‘Yeah?’ Alpha asked, ‘so if Ekaterin was here you wouldn’t be interrogating her about gardening and Miles?’

‘No I would not!’

Alpha sighed. ‘I would.’ 

‘No you wouldn’t,’ Beta said, ‘because there will always be someone from a different Fic to make sure you don’t.  Do you know how dangerous it is to interact?  Any slips are dangerous - this Maria could be affected by them seeing The Fic.’

Alpha shook her head. ‘But Maria married Gregor until she was revealed as a traitor – she caused a war!  That’s not going to change.  That was huge!’

‘In their timeline it hasn’t happened,’ Beta said pointing to the prone men. ‘So when we go back The Canon might have changed and you wouldn’t know.’

‘ _I_ would know,’ Alpha said.

‘Only the Goddess will know,’ Delta said in a solemn, reverent tone.

'But-'

'Look we _don’t_ have time for this,” Beta said firmly, 'we’ll have a full briefing when get back and you can ask your questions then.  I’ve been commandeered by the LOTR Fic and I want to get _some_ rest before I go.  There’s always a damned lot of walking. And mud.  I- what are you doing?’

Alpha was holding a measuring tape and looking at the short one slumped in the chair. ‘I thought I could get some measurements before I go.’

Delta shook her head.  ‘You don’t need to.  We know how tall he is!’

‘Um…that wasn’t that I wanted to measure...’

Beta growled.  ‘We are leaving - now!’

*

Ivan woke up first and jolted when he saw his head was in Gregor’s lap.  Gregor was just waking up and Ivan moved so fast he fell off the sofa.  Gregor’s eyes shot open and he looked at him - Ivan hoped he gave him his blankest look. He turned to see Miles lift his head from the comconsole.

‘What happened?’ Miles asked.

‘You fell asleep, guess I did too.’  Ivan didn’t remember having _that_ much wine; he rubbed his hands over his face and shook his head.  ‘I had the weirdest dream…Hey, do we know anyone called Maria?’  

 

**Author's Note:**

> Alpha, Beta and Delta are fictitious code names for fictitious characters- their resemblance to any persons living or dead is a product of your imagination and you should really see someone about that as a matter of urgency!!! :) i.e. THEY ARE NOT BASED ON ANYONE (end of that disclaimer)
> 
> Anyone offended or confused by this fic is advised to make a themselves a nice of cup tea and re-read parts of Shards. If that doesn't hit the spot, go have a lie down in a dark room for 40 minutes.
> 
> No canon characters were hurt in the writing of this fic although they may be slightly bruised and it may have given them ideas that hadn't crossed their minds before...
> 
> I have no idea how to tag this fic.
> 
> For non-Brits: Narky means irritable/bad tempered (Thanks Sue for the heads up!)
> 
> Fic HQ exists.
> 
> Apologies to avanti_90 if this isn't remotely what she had in mind...


End file.
